CONFLICT…
UNFORGIVENESS & BITTERNESS
(Matthew 18:23 - 35)

POOR OR BROKEN INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS…

When people experience "bad relationships" with others, they often find it extremely difficult to "forgive and to forget" This so often ends up in "bitterness". Their attitude changes because they start to respond in one or more of the following ways:

        They become self-righteous…
        They want to retaliate and not set free…
        They become grumpy, impatient and intolerant…
        They have a bitter and negative attitude…
        They become jealous…
        They enjoy self-pity…
        They are, or feel lonesome…
        They are, or feel rejected…

If ever there was someone who experienced rejection and hostility in His life, it was Jesus Christ! From the day of His birth He had to flee from death and run for His life! Wherever He went, He was unwelcome - No room in the hotel when He was born (Luke 2:7)… No place for Him in the Synagogue (Luke 4: 28-29)… His own people rejected Him (John 1:11). We often read in the Bible "how people sought to kill Him".

Jesus had all reason to be angry and full of un-forgiveness BUT instead He set an example to us while hanging on the Cross… He uttered the following words:

"FATHER, FORGIVE THEM, FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO"
(Luke 23:34)

WHAT HAPPENS IF WE DO NOT FORGIVE?

(Matthew 6: 12, 14, 15)

        It's a DECISION to do God's will and to obey His Commandments...
        It brings complete victory and deliverance and it RESTORES relationships with God and with other people…
         It brings healing to inner pain and hurt…
        And yes, it takes strength and character to forgive; only "strong people" can forgive… A weak person often enjoys self-pity and sympathy from others…
        Forgiveness is a revelation of God's love through us…!

        Forgiveness has no conditions, for example by saying, "I will forgive - if you forgive first - because you started the problem!"
        Forgiveness does not keep record of the wrong…
        Forgiveness is not to pretend or act that nothing is wrong…
        Forgiveness is not to "try and forget the person"…
        Forgiveness does not say; "Let's forget the whole matter"…
        Forgiveness is not to first teach the person a lesson…
        Forgiveness does not mean that you "accept or agree" with the wrong…

Remember, forgiveness is NOT A FEELING, it's a DECISION… The only feeling you get is once you have forgiven the person, a feeling of freedom from the burden of bitterness and unhappiness which were slowly eating your soul, your body and your spirit, like cancer…

        They feel insecure and afraid to commit themselves - forgiveness starts with a PRAYER and ends with a COMMITMENT to forgive and to forget - this is often strange to them, they ask, "What if I cannot…?"
        Some say: "I enjoy hating the person who hates me". These people later become exactly like the person they have conflict with…
        Jealousy can prevent forgiveness - your enemy maybe has more money or material possessions and you feel inferior, therefore you don't forgive him because you are not prepared to humble yourself and forgive…
        Fear of being hurt again after you have forgiven…
        Self-pity hinders true forgiveness - "Nobody has gone through my pain!"
        Attitude problem - "I'm not the guilty one!" This is PRIDE…
        The fear that you will not be able to forget can also hinder forgiveness. Perhaps you will never completely forget what happened, but because it does not matter any more, you can set the person free…
        Sometimes we say that the guilty person "does not deserve" to be forgiven… Solve the problem and forgive unconditionally like Jesus…
        The desire to take revenge stops us from forgiving…
        After you have experienced deep emotional pain, you feel as though you will never be able to forgive… Ask the Holy Spirit to help you; you cannot do it in your own strength!

DECIDE to forgive…

Mark 11: 25 … "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, FORGIVE HIM, that your  Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses."  

SET FREE, release the person…

Matt 7: 1-3…    "Judge not, that you be not judged… and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you … And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?"

DO RESTITUTION, where applicable and possible…

Lev 6: 1- 6…       "If a person sins and commits a trespass against the LORD… that he shall restore…he shall restore its full value… to whomever it belongs…"

BLESS the person…

Matt 5: 44…         "…love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you."

        Parents, in-laws, husbands, wives, children, brothers & sisters, other family members….
        Friends, people at work, at school, at university, in the neighbourhood, at church...
        Yourself…
        Stop blaming God…

        Ask the Lord to show you the people and the circumstances which caused misery in your life… Make a list of the people's NAMES and WHAT they said or did to hurt you…

        Everything, big or small:
Rejection - divorce - rape - sexual abuse - other abuse - molestation - assault - manipulation - lack of love from parents or spouse - no praise - no encouragement - parents, business partners and other people who did not keep promises - inheritances - loss of money -  parents who did not set example - divorced parents or broken homes - nasty things said ("you are stupid") by school teachers, parents or parents in law - perhaps traditions at home did not allow you to lead a normal life - hate towards your country…

        Take the list to a quiet place where nobody can see or disturb you. Sit and work through the list together with the Lord… Read it out loud when you forgive - the connection between your mind and sub-conscious mind helps to heal the emotions. Ask God to help you to forgive…

        Talk to the person and tell him/her that you forgive them and ask them to forgive you…

        If you do not have the will to forgive a person, TELL it to the Lord and ask Him to help you in your weakness… Stay committed in your new way…

        Once you have learned to forgive, never stop to forgive, the more you do it, the easier it becomes…

FORGIVENESS IS A CHOICE!
IT'S A BLESSING SINCE IT BRINGS FREEDOM, JOY, PEACE AND HEALING…

Rick Grobler
Njoro

CHRISTIAN LIFE BIBLE SCHOOLS
(KENYA)